Today I am wearing my funky bow.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one for grabbing the limelight, taking everything for myself and being generally greedy. Selfish is merely something the Boss is allergic to. I can share, I enjoy sharing, in fact sharing is in my nature. For example, I don’t mind who is in the lounge when the wood burner is pumping out the heat – I’ll be there doing my loyal if somewhat stupefied companion bit. See, sharing my time. That’s just me.. So when the Old One got an early Christmas present I thought ‘good for you’ ( but don’t expect anything on the big day itself) but it has kind of gone wrong. Let me explain.
He likes gardening and has hankered for years now for a greenhouse. After long protracted discussions he decided on stunning wooden one, and it got delivered last week. That’s when the trouble started. Normally, in our pre-greenhouse days the garden was for strolling around, a little bit of light digging, chasing the odd butterfly and doing ablutions ( that’s me, not the Old One – he doesn’t like chasing butterflies) But now it’s on with the coat, scarf and hat and straight out to the top of the garden where his new love in his life sits. He walks around it every day. He unlocks the door and sits in there. He just sits. Looking out. ‘Surveying my land’ he says. ‘My land’ indeed. There’s hardly room to cock a leg. That’s all fine except for one thing. Me. What do I do? We used to ‘walk the estate’ together. We used to look at slugs and snails together. We used to enjoy the outdoor space and then, most importantly, go back inside together and snooze together after sharing a biscuit or five. But now I might as well be invisible.
I’ve tried everything to get his attention. I’ve limped. I’ve howled in mock pain. I’ve hidden ( but he didn’t look for me so I came out of from under the stairs – so that’s where the Christmas presents are) I even contemplated trying a tightrope act along the washing line reminiscent of that dog on ‘I’mastrictlycelebrityXfactorBritishtalent’ programme they all seem to watch. Nothing. Nada. Nic. Nenio. As you see I’ve also tried to learn a few languages to impress. Nowt. He is besotted, obsessed and blind to anything else. I even heard talk of him getting a heater so it is cosier up there.
So, I have to take drastic measures. First, if, as it now appears, the garden is only to be enjoyed from the new greenhouse then I can use the previously cosseted lower area of the lawn as a digging and, erm, ‘filling’ area. Secondly, even when the wood burner is at melting point I will dramatically exit the room if the Old One is the only one there ( but only if secondary fire in dining room is switched on) And thirdly, I will turn my nose up at any offering of chicken pieces. Tough I know but you have to win back the attention somehow. That should do it. Oh, and wearing a funky bow tie always attracts attention, especially now that the only thing in his empty, albeit beautiful, greenhouse is a home made seat, a thermometer and him. But come to think about it, when the heater’s there, it might be nice to see what the view is like. Bet it’s good place to ponder, plan and snooze on a cold afternoon. Hmmm, I’ve always been a fan of greenhouses.
Your bow tied dog blogger.